Space Dementia
by cleartempest
Summary: When Dino isn't certain what matters anymore, he turns to Kyouya. Song fic: Title explained inside. Warnings: blood, death, mentions of sex, and other things...you'll see


A/N: Space Dementia is a song by Muse and is a term used to describe a psychological condition that afflicts some astronauts. It is supposed to be caused by experiencing and seeing the expansiveness of the universe, and feeling overwhelmingly insignificant. It is usually associated with feelings isolation, insecurity, and insignificance. The singer actually goes "H8" in the song. It could mean "height" or "hate" or it can be a reference to the Hitachi H8 microcomputer, which is usually built into a 'brain' for T.V.s and navigators and such. But I used the 'height' interpretation.

The lyrics will be between (parenthesis) and will separate each part…

Oh yeah: I don't own Muse or KHR...and there are SOME spoilers...

--

(H8 is the one for me  
it gives me all I need  
and helps me co-exist with the chill)

He pushes open the door, steps from the dark stairwell. The boy is there, wary and curious in a bored sort of manner. "Hey, Kyouya." And the only sound Dino hears in return is wind against a fast tonfa. Typical, not even a greeting, or a kiss _hello_ of sorts. Kyouya's speed has improved, though. He steps away, back, flicks his wrist, whip putting enough space between them. "Hello, Dino." He says to Kyouya, laughing.

"What do you want?" the corner of Kyouya's mouth parts in a smirk.

And every time Dino tries to answer, Kyouya moves, and he has to respond. And when blood is obscuring his vision and when he is panting and when Kyouya's movements become less forceful, he counters with that final spurt of energy, dizzying fatigue driving him toward the boy to tackle him.

He feels a harsh breath on his face and he is shoved off roughly, falling on his back against the hard and flat roof, facing a sky reddened by the eminent sunset. The breeze is almost harsh against his blood and sweat slicked face.

Kyouya's panting is distinct; the traffic below them is not, fuzzy and distant, far from where they are. And he breathes in, his cheeks warming. Whether or not it is from the sparring or the height, he is not certain.

(You make me sick because I adore you so  
I love all the dirty tricks  
and twisted games you play on me)

It is from the boy.

"So long, Kyouya, it's been nice to meet you," he manages to say before teeth and lips, and hard heat assault him, what he manages to feel before landing on the ground next to his bed. He ignores his throbbing head and holds on to Kyouya as long as he can. Holds on before the warm stigma vanishes, along with that boyish salty scent he remembers from the roof. He holds on until he is left alone with nothing, only throbbing in more places than one.

He manages to pull himself back to bed, resting one of his palms against the sheets. He spits into his other palm and reaches into his boxers. And he remembers waking in the middle of the night, in the same state, when he was _Kyouya's_ age. "Oh, God…" He whispers to himself. _Fuck._ It's been only a few weeks since he's seen Kyouya, and he already misses the bruising contact, the friction, the warmth of Kyouya's blood on his face, that low suppressed grunt of pain. _Oh, God_.

"Fuck…" and he wants to shut out the _wrong_ images as he teeters toward relief. Images that are not Kyouya, Kyouya tugging off his tie, Kyouya tugging off his belt, Kyouya tugging...did he dare go that far? Kyouya is forbidding even in his reverie.

But he is so close. So close. And he tries not to think of Kyouya's unbuttoned, unzipped, exposed front, because it is wrong. Then Kyouya says, as he spreads his legs, in that low voice, "This is meaningless." And Dino loses it. Whether it is from the boy or the extremely _wrong_ dream, he is not certain.

(space dementia in your eyes  
peace will arise and tear us apart  
and make us meaningless again)

It is from the fact that Kyouya would never say that -- would never _do_ that. And he would never have Kyouya.

But that is in hindsight, and is definitely not what he thinks when he is pressing against the deceptively slight frame of a writhing and groaning Kyouya. Definitely not what he thinks when he is finally so close to Kyouya that he can _feel_ what the boy can easily hide, against his thigh. It makes him realize that this is completely Kyouya's will, that Kyouya can easily stop this.

"Kyouya," Dino says in a fuzzy and desire clouded state of mind, one that refuses to filter appropriate thought, "Kyouya, is this meaningless?"

And he gasps as he feels teeth sink into his shoulder, warmth trickling down his arm. "Idiot," he shudders at Kyouya's torrid breath against his neck, "Idiot, do I ever do anything that is meaningless?"

And Dino loses it even harder this time. Whether it is because the warmth and hard heat is actually real, or because Kyouya is quite literally in his arms, he is not certain.

(you'll make us want to die  
I'd cut your name in my heart  
we'll destroy this world for you  
I know you want me to feel your pain)

It is because Kyouya did not stop, even when he could.

He wakes in the middle of the night. Kyouya is not by his side. He glances toward his window, and sees him in a black kimono, sitting in a chair facing the bed. He has his head leaned back, untidy hair pressing against the chair.

And he thinks Kyouya is breathtaking in the moonlight, his dark eyelashes casting feathery shadows on his pale skin, his previously ravished lips blood red in contrast. And he resists the urge to put out the candle by calling his name, because Kyouya looks strangely thoughtful, a calm gaze directed at the stars in the dark sky.

Kyouya is in Italy for the Tenth's funeral, long since passed, but he has yet to return to Japan.

Kyouya gazes at the far, far glowing bodies, as if he had never seen stars before. Rather, as if he had never seen stars over a world bigger than him.

"Kyouya," Dino whispers into the dark. Kyouya does not look away from the sky, but his eyes become more focused, less faraway. "Kyouya, was that meaningless?"

And he turns away from the window, dark eyes falling on Dino, "Was _what_ meaningless?"

_Efforts to quash the Millefiore, efforts to continue the Vongola family_,_ Tsuna's death…_ "Everything." Dino says.

Something flashes across Kyouya's gaze, his eyes widen slightly, "Could be." He turns back to the ever present sky.

And it hurts Dino. Whether it is because he was the first to tell Kyouya that the world is bigger than Namimori, or because he has known Kyouya long enough to know when the other felt pain, he is not certain.

"Kyouya, how does the sky make you feel?"

And he doesn't expect an answer. But the detached look in Kyouya's eyes is so surreal that he is not surprised when the other closes his eyes and says, "Small."

(space dementia in your eyes  
peace will arise and tear us apart  
and make us meaningless again)

He hopes he isn't too late.

He runs, _runs_, leaving his subordinates to run after him, to the underground base. It is already in ruins, nothing to keep him from getting inside. "Kyouya?!" He calls, "Kyouya!" And he trips over so many motionless bodies, still warm. His heart leaps into his throat, "KYOUYA!"

_Over here, idiot_, he seems to hear. And Dino runs and falls next to him, panting, his knees warm and damp with blood, Kyouya's blood.

"You're…" Kyouya coughs.

"I'm late." Dino runs a hand over the other's forehead, and moves to take out his cell phone.

"Call for help, and I'll bite you…" Kyouya breathes hard, "to death."

Dino grimaces, because he believes Kyouya could do such a thing, even in this state. Kyouya had probably been _fighting_ in this state, not stopping until all the Millefiore were down. "Why?" Dino swallows a throbbing lump in his throat, "Why, Kyouya?"

And Kyouya looks up at him, his eyes full of intention, fearless, even on the brink of death. "Dino," he starts, "Dino, is this meaningless?"

"What…" Dino pauses, waits for an aching sob to subside.

"You really _are_ an idiot." Kyouya sighs, before coughing up more blood. And Dino notices that Kyouya's body does not seize with his coughs, it is absolutely _shattered_, beyond treatment. Dino winces, it must hurt so much for him to talk.

And with as much volume he could manage without his voice cracking, "Kyouya, do you ever do anything meaningless?"

A ghost of a smirk appears across Kyouya's lips, and his eyes slowly fall shut.

"Kyouya?" He strokes Kyoya's face, his hair. _Oh, God, he is still warm. _He lets the suppressed tears fall, stream down the length of his cheek. He has never seen Kyouya so still.

His subordinates leave them alone, spreading out to look for any survivors.

"Kyouya," He whispers, "Kyouya, how does death make you feel?"

_In place_, he seems to hear.

_--_

Reviews, yes?


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